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By Christina Beltrán, Flagler College Psychology Intern We’ve all been there. Trying to study for a quiz, test, or exam. The hard part about them is not always necessarily taking the assessment, but figuring out how to jam all the information you are supposed to know in your head. But don’t worry by the end of this article, you will have a clearer idea of where to start and how to ace that assessment! Tip #1: Do NOT cram! As much as you might hate to hear it and may not follow through with it anyway because you feel more comfortable at the procrastination station, DO NOT CRAM! Instead of cramming, it is good to take long periods of time between study sessions. These ‘spacing effects’ or studying in many short sessions (for example: studying for 1 hour per day 2 weeks before the test) help us better retain knowledge as it gives our brain time to correctly process the information and make our neural connections stronger (Goldstein, 2019). Tip #2: Teach the material to someone close to you! Even though this is time-consuming, it is totally worth it! Once you feel you know the material (For example: after testing yourself on the material several times and making your own study guide), teach the material to a friend, family member, or anyone who is not familiar (or who is very vaguely familiar) with the subject. You can start by using bullet points to guide you through the material (called cued recall in cognitive psychology) which helps you recall the information (Goldstein, 2019). When going through your points and explaining them to your friend or loved one, you are using the process of rehearsal which is basically repeating the information (Goldstein, 2019). Through this rehearsal, you might choose to use another process called elaboration which is creating connections between the material you are learning to things you are already familiar with or have meaning to you (Goldstein, 2019). For example, to help you remember where the Atlantic Ocean is located, you can increase your memory by telling yourself that the Atlantic is between the Americas and Africa, which all start with an A (if you already know where the Americas and Africa are located) (Elaboration strategies, n.d.). Tip #3: Get a full night of sleep! This one is absolutely CRUCIAL! Although one may think studying until 2am will help you remember more, that is not actually the case. This is due to a process cognitive psychology calls consolidation. Consolidation is when memories are transformed into a state in which they are more resistant to disruption, meaning that the memories become more embedded into your long-term memory and create stronger neural connections during this process (Goldstein, 2019). This ‘consolidation’ is enhanced when you sleep (Goldstein, 2019). By taking that time to sleep, your brain works to create stronger neural connections, which help to keep the information that you studied in your brain. Once taking the test, these stronger connections that you built while sleeping will allow you to remember an answer faster (and more accurately) compared to if you did not get as much sleep. Tip #4: Avoid the ‘Illusion of Learning’ No matter how much you think you might know a subject, be sure not to confuse knowing something vs. only being familiar with it. Many students, including myself, are guilty of this. You may think you know the material but you only remember a few details about it. For example, you might be able to answer a multiple-choice question about the subject but will you get the full points if there was a short answer question about it? Familiarity does not equal comprehension!!!! (Goldstein, 2019). Tip #5: Instead of memorizing the material, try to comprehend it instead! This might be confusing to some and they might ask, aren’t these the same thing? Actually, no. Although you may remember something from memorizing it initially, you will remember it more when you try to understand it further - whether through learning how it works, visualizing it, applying examples to it, asking questions about it in class, and/or comparing and contrasting it to other things. To help you understand the material, try reading the chapter before class. That way, when you get to class, you can ask questions about specific things in the chapter such as, “Miss Smith, am I applying this correctly?” or “Miss Smith, can you tell me what this sentence means?”. Conclusion Hopefully these tips help you on your studying journey! Before I bid you farewell, make sure to not get too down on yourself if you are struggling with a subject. If you find yourself doing this, please refer to our post about positive affirmations. Otherwise, good luck studying! References Goldstein, E. B. (2019). Cognitive Psychology: Connecting mind, research, and everyday experience (5th ed.). Cengage Learning. Elaboration strategies explained with examples. Viquepedia. (n.d.). https://www.viquepedia.com/psyche/elaboration#:~:text=For%20example%2C%20a%20student%20who,4%20%3D%209)%20is%20capitalizing%20on

By Christina Beltrán, Flagler College Psychology Intern One of the most frustrating things that can happen to us while we are learning is our brains not grasping the concept being taught. We sometimes wish we could take mental screenshots or recordings of a certain lecture. Some of us get so frustrated while we are studying, we hope that if we hit our heads with our textbook that the information from the textbook would just transfer into our brains. Unfortunately, this transfer does not work as most of you already know. However, one process that does work in helping you grasp concepts which will serve you better than banging a textbook against your noggin is called Bloom’s Taxonomy. Made up by an American educational psychologist Benjamin Bloom, Bloom’s Taxonomy allows us to gain a greater understanding of subjects we are trying to learn or re-learn. This process helps with not only the learning process but also with developing the depth of thinking skills which is why generations of teachers have been using this with their students. Within this system, Remembering is the lowest level of depth and builds all the way up the highest level which is Creating. To get a better sense of what each of these levels entail, please refer to the diagram as well as the additional descriptions provided. Remember to start from the bottom and work your way up. Creating → Develop new theories & ideas Evaluating → Compare theories & ideas Analyzing → Break down complex concepts Applying → Use information to solve problems Understanding → Explain the material to others Remembering → Straight memorization Now that you have a better understanding of what each step entails, here are examples of how this process can work. Once again, start from the bottom then move your way up through the levels. Bloom’s Taxonomy Examples: Creating: Designing a science fair project to investigate how a plant grows with water (since you know how that works already) vs. how a plant grows with orange juice OR Making examples from your own life Evaluating: Making an argument based on concrete evidence that eating a small portion of green vegetables every day is better for your health than eating a small portion of Doritos every day OR Deciding what is effective Analyzing: Comparing and Contrasting the Harry Potter Series vs. Stranger Things [For example: They are both about a young orphan who is fighting against a guy who is bald, does not have a nose, has telekinesis and mind control as powers, and has classmates with blonde hair that are mean to them] OR Noticing the differences in examples Applying: Solving the average of your GPA after learning how to calculate averages in math class OR Being able to apply examples to the concept Understand: Writing a short summary of the textbook chapter to explain the concepts learned OR Explaining the concept to someone younger than you Remember: Using flashcards to help you define your vocabulary words I know this is a ton of steps but breathe! Everything is going to be ok. With keeping this in mind, it is highly recommended that you try to achieve this deeper level of learning in short study sessions. This ‘spacing effect’ (as called in cognitive psychology) allows for proper consolidation and encoding to take place, meaning that these short sessions as well as the space between them will allow your brain to retain the information better, faster, and more accurately (Goldstein, 2019). Have fun learning! References Drew, C. (2023, May 20). All 6 levels of understanding (on Bloom’s taxonomy). Helpful Professor. https://helpfulprofessor.com/levels-of-understanding/ Goldstein, E. B. (2019). Cognitive Psychology: Connecting mind, research, and everyday experience (5th ed.). Cengage Learning. Toms, M. (n.d.). Learning Theory [Webinar]. TutorLingo. https://www.tutorlingo.org/learn/course/learning-theory/blooms-taxonomy/remember-understand-1?page=1

By Bryleigh Koepsell, Flagler College Psychology Intern When you think of your happy place, where does your mind transport you? For most, the answers will be the beach, the mountains, the river, or the forest. Can you notice the common thread between all of these happy places? Nature. For me, my soul is the most at rest when I am in the mountains of New Mexico. Why do we feel so whole in nature? What are the benefits of nature exposure? What can we do to bring the peace of nature into our everyday lives? In this post, I will dive a little deeper into these questions. What is Ecotherapy? When people hear ecotherapy, they either have no idea what the person is talking about or they think that it is just another “feel good” trending pseudotherapy practice. In reality, ecotherapy is so much more than that! “Ecotherapy refers to healing and growth nurtured by healthy interaction with the earth” says ecotherapists Linda Buzzell and Craig Chalquist. In other words, through connecting with the environment, we find deeper connection within ourselves. Ecotherapy works to support and foster the human-nature connection, while also reaping the mental health benefits that nature can bestow upon us. Types of Ecotherapy There are many types of ecotherapy practices that help others to become their most healthy selves. Animal assisted therapy (AAT) is a guided therapy that utilizes animals, typically dogs, horses, or goats, to promote connection that can be hard for some individuals, especially those with social deficits. Green exercise therapy is a therapist-guided practice that implements exercise in places that are “green” or natural. Social and therapeutic horticulture (STH) therapy involves gardening and growing food in natural areas. Environmental conservation involves protecting and cleaning up the environment. There are many other types of ecotherapy that are used today, but my favorite is wilderness therapy; allowing someone to face challenges while in the wilderness (forests, mountains, etc.) and be guided on how to better handle the roadblocks that nature has created. One distinction that must be made, however, is that there is a difference between ecotherapy and ecotherapeutic practices. Ecotherapy must be administered and performed by a licensed professional. Just because you feel at peace or nature feels therapeutic for you does not mean that you are engaging in ecotherapy. Benefits of Ecotherapy For starters, ecotherapy provides a cost-effective avenue for therapy. It also is beneficial for physical health as many ecotherapy practices are performed outside, using breathing and movement to aid the participants. Perhaps the most vital benefits are those on a mental level including stress reduction, increased cognitive functioning, reduction of depression and anxiety, and improvement of self-image and self-esteem. It can also aid social difficulties, as well as emotional-regulation troubles. As a whole, ecotherapy is beneficial for the wellbeing of both the planet and the people. Conclusion Overall, ecotherapy is a powerful tool that can be used to strengthen the human-nature connection and help one disconnect from the materialistic world. Ecotherapy is not just a trend or some self-help, feel good practices. Ecotherapy is misunderstood, under-researched, and undervalued. Hopefully, through this blog post, you learned a little more about ecotherapy, and maybe you will consider giving it some more thought. The bottom line is, through ecotherapy, the planet and the people who inhabit it will benefit tremendously.

By Melody M. Ott LCSW with Wellbeing Collective I was recently in a session with a teen, and she shared that she and her mother were in a disagreement because her mother did not want her to label herself. It was easy to see both sides of this disagreement and our discussion led to an enlightening conversation about labels. You see, I am a middle-aged mom. When I was growing up, a label was as permanent as spray-painting your name on the water tower! Getting a label of any kind would follow you right through high school and beyond. Labels were not a good thing, at least not in my experience or upbringing. Today, though, teens and their peers seem to feel very differently about labels. I am sure this is not a one size fits all phenomenon, but recently, it has been the topic of conversation in many of my sessions with teens and their parents. The goal is not to determine if labels are good or bad, but simply to explore and understand the use of labels and how teens are using them to discover who they are in this often confusing world. Today’s teens are just like teens of my generation. Like we did, teens today are trying to discover who they are. They will do just about anything to fit in. They need boundaries but don’t like them, they feel insecure and uncertain about their identity. Teens are in a period of major brain development, and they are trying to figure life out. BUT teens of this generation are also different from the teens of my generation. They have access to information instantly (I relied on the encyclopedia and the Dewey decimal system). They have an almost insatiable appetite for connection via social media and much of their identity and self-worth seems to be created in this space. They also report feeling more isolated and lonelier than ever before. Kids are desperate for a sense of identity and I am learning that labels are helping them figure out different aspects of who they are. So what can parents do to help? I often say to teens, “I have a nose but would not introduce myself as nose”. After I say this I usually get a giggle, but the truth is that while labels can be helpful in understanding ourselves, one part of yourself doesn’t make the whole of who you are. In my work with teens, labels are okay with me; however, I am never going to focus exclusively on one small part of who someone is. My goal is to nurture a sense of self and develop self-worth by exploring and developing the many parts of each person. As parents, we can encourage our children to do this as well. This might include a label or two or three, but it also includes exploring the full self because none of us can ever fit completely into one label – we are too unique and amazing for that! So next time your teen puts a label on themselves, take a breath. Remember that these labels are fluid and can be helpful in self-discovery. Listen. Be supportive. Guide lovingly. Encourage them to explore their entire self and maybe even make a list of all of the different aspects of who they are (sibling, child, friend, student, artist, athlete…). Labels can be helpful as long as we do not allow them to box us in. After all, just like their parents before them, today’s teens are simply trying to learn who they are – and I think they are pretty great!

By Rebecca Joy Stanborough As published in Healthline You’ve just returned from a vacation. Maybe it was the trip of a lifetime. Maybe it was a weekend getaway. Whether you’ve unpacked your suitcase or not, you may be dealing with another kind of luggage: A persistent feeling of sadness since the moment you opened your front door. Post-vacation blues are real. But if you pay attention to what’s causing them, you could recover from the blues — and maybe reinvent your life in the process. Why do we get post-vacation depression? Overall, vacations are good for your mental health. “Giving ourselves the opportunity to explore the world around us can rejuvenate our sense of wonder, and more importantly, help us to be more present-minded,” says Melody Ott, LCSW. “They don’t have to cost a lot of money or last very long, but our mind and body need to slow down and turn inward.” One long-term study found that workplace policies allowing 10 days of paid vacation leave were associated with a 29 percent drop in depression risk among women. Numerous studies have found that vacations reduce stress and boost your sense of well-being. But here’s the somewhat surprising conclusion for many researchers: The happiness you feel on vacation usually doesn’t last. When the vacation is over, people return to baseline levels of happiness within a few days. If the happiness evaporates once you resume your daily life, is vacationing a waste of time and money? Researchers say no. One review said that question was like “asking why we should go to sleep considering the fact that we get tired again.” So, how do you handle the nearly inevitable slump that follows a holiday? How to prevent post-vacation sadness If you have a feeling the blues will be waiting in your mailbox when you get home, it might be wise to take a few proactive steps before your vacation begins. Before you leave home, tidy up There are few things more dispiriting than walking into a mess. In the run up to a vacation, it can be easy to think, “I’ll deal with that when I get back.” If you can manage it, putting fresh sheets on your bed, clean towels in your bathroom, and maybe a new book on your nightstand will make your return feel more like “Welcome home.” Plan transition days If you can make it work with your budget and schedule, give yourself a day or so to adjust before you have to return to work. You’ll have time then to grocery shop, unpack, do laundry, and take care of anything unexpected that came up while you were away. Put something inexpensive and fun on your calendar Before your trip, plan an event to look forward to when you return, like a movie, lunch with friends, or a round of golf. It doesn’t have to be an expensive event, considering many budgets are tight after vacation splurges. This planned event doesn’t have to be right away. The week after a vacation can fill up with backlogged work and household to-do’s. A month in the future might be ideal. It will remind you that the fun hasn’t ended just because the trip has. Pack a travel journal Memories fade — even the vivid ones. If you spend a few minutes every day during your vacation writing down your adventures and misadventures, you’ll have a record you can revisit for years to come. Add what you were thinking about and what moved you; chronicle the heart-stopping moments. It’s your vacation and your journal. Plan plenty of downtime In a 2010 study Trusted Source, researchers compared happiness before and after vacation among Dutch vacationers. They found that the only group whose happiness remained higher weeks after the trip ended were vacationers who had a “very relaxed holiday.” While it’s tempting to cram adventure and activity into every moment — especially if you’re shelling out hard-earned money for your vacation — your sense of well-being may last longer if you plan a restful one. How to overcome post-vacation letdown once it’s already hit But what if you’re already home and feeling a little depressed? Good news, traveler. There are many effective ways to lessen post-vacation blues. Here are some strategies to try. Connect with friends and family If your vacation has left you yearning for more meaning in your life, reach out to the people who matter to you. Consider reconnecting with old friends and family members to share a meal or a conversation. You may begin to feel your world re-centering. “Connection is an integral part of our lives, and vacations are often a time of deep connection with those we are visiting or traveling with. Maintaining a sense of connection afterward is important. “Just be aware that connection might not look the same as it did on your trip. If you notice that you’re feeling disconnected, take a moment to evaluate whether the connection really has decreased, or whether it just looks different in day-to-day reality,” Ott says. Detox We tend to indulge on vacation: wine, rich foods, decadent desserts. A gentle dietary “detox” might help you feel better physically and mentally. Be sure to drink lots of water if you traveled by air. Plane cabins are known to dehydrate travelers. And if you’re experiencing jet lag, melatonin might help you adjust your sleep rhythms. Document and share your memories If you’re not ready to come back from vacation, you can prolong the experience by printing, organizing, uploading, and sharing your vacation photos. Consider jotting a few notes or including entries from your travel journal if you kept one. If you have an artistic bent, you can revisit your vacation spot by painting, sculpting, or drawing memorable scenes. Write reviews to help other travelers While your experiences are fresh in your mind, write reviews in online travel services, leaving tips and cautions that might improve someone else’s vacation. Not only will writing solidify your memories, your advice could boost a local business or prevent someone from making the same mistakes you did. Get outdoors Studies have shown that most people spend upward of 90 percent of their lives inside buildings. When people spend time in nature, research indicates their moods improve and stress levels drop. They sleep better. And their physical health improves, too. In fact, regular short strolls in nature might have the same calming, restorative effect of a good vacation. Bring the outdoors in Many of the health benefits of nature reach us through our senses. Researchers have found that people experience therapeutic benefits from seeing, hearing, smelling, and even tasting natural elements. Opening a window to listen to birds or smell cut grass, planting a small herb garden on the back porch, bringing home an armload of tulips, and even using essential oils might lift your spirits and make home feel more inviting. Clean, reorganize, or declutter where you live If your space feels stressful, cluttered, or in a chronic state of disrepair, it can negatively affect your mood. Changing that space, even in small ways, could improve your state of mind. If you feel overwhelmed by the idea of decluttering, it’s OK to concentrate on one small task. It’s also OK to enlist others in your efforts. Incorporate a new practice It isn’t uncommon for people to encounter a practice or custom they want to bring home. Discovering other cultures is, after all, one of the reasons people travel. You may decide to keep studying another language. You may want to try a new way of cooking, eating, exercising, gardening, shopping, or dressing. You may decide to live with fewer material possessions. Whatever practices appealed to you during your travels, consider how you can incorporate them into the life you’re living now. (Of course, be sure to do so with respect, and not misappropriate.) Disrupt your routines One of the benefits of traveling is discovering something unexpected — and home may feel so familiar that it’s begun to bore you. To rekindle the feeling of being a visitor, explore the place where you live as if you were a vacationer. Tour a museum you’ve never visited. Swear off your tried-and-true dining favorites and try something different. Read travel guides for your hometown and see it through new eyes. Follow through on a change you considered while away Vacations can be thought-provoking and sometimes even life-changing. When we’re out of our usual orbits and routines, we gain perspective. If you found yourself thinking about your purpose, goals, relationships, role in the community, or quality of life, now might be a good time to take some small steps in the direction of the life you want to build. Research has shown that people who want to change are more successful when they follow through with small, goal-directed actions. Practice gratitude and mindfulness “Vacations are a wonderful opportunity to focus on gratitude and to generate the kind of positive thoughts that can help us shift our feelings and improve our behavior,” Ott says. You can build on the habits of gratitude and mindfulness when you return. As meaningful as it can be to get away from everyday realities, it can be equally powerful to reflect on and appreciate the life you’ve created. Practicing gratitude and mindfulness has been shown to reduce depression and stress, and cultivate a sense of well-being. If post-vacation depression lingers “We often return from vacation feeling well rested and happy, but it is important to notice if we begin to lose the sense of connection or begin isolating,” Ott says. “While feeling irritable or moody can be normal after the transition from vacation, these feelings should not persist for a prolonged period,” she says. If the post-vacation malaise you’re experiencing doesn’t get better after a few days, you may want to talk to a therapist. “Sometimes a few sessions can help you reset, but you may learn that your feelings are the result of a bigger issue, such as discontent in your work or being overwhelmed by your responsibilities,” Ott points out. A good therapist will be able to craft strategies to help you find your footing. Getting help for depression isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s good self-care. Depression is a serious health condition, and there are resources available to help. If you need to talk to someone right away, you can get help online through the National Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) or by calling the SAMHSA helpline at 800-622-HELP (4357). Key takeaways It’s completely normal to feel a sense of letdown after a vacation, no matter how long or how pleasant the vacation was. To avoid post-vacation blues, try making rest a priority, and give yourself time to readjust after you get home. Once you’re back in the saddle, you can minimize post-holiday sadness by sharing your memories with others, taking care of your health, exploring your hometown, and making changes so your life feels more relaxing and meaningful. If you need help with depression — whether it’s related to a trip or not — reach out to someone you trust. We’re travelers, one and all, and you’re not alone.

By Emily Foster Williams Wellbeing Collective friend and author of books such as Just Like the Ocean A decade ago I was a new mother, trying desperately to make the most of my maternity leave before returning to my job in the creative field. I was living in San Francisco at the time, a city regarded as one of the best for maternal care and resources. I had my pick of plenty of mommy-and-me classes and I dove into them, dreaming of bonding and entertaining my daughter while I recovered some semblance of my pre-baby body. Time after time, my experiences fell into two categories — a class focused almost entirely on my baby (fun for her, but not much use for me), or focused entirely on me (useful for me, but missing the opportunity to bond.) Let me be clear — mothers NEED classes expressly for mothers. It’s a wonderful service to moms allowing infants to come to fitness classes. Through my journey of motherhood I have relied on the community I have found in mother-centered fitness. But — as my return to the workplace loomed, I found myself longing to pick up my daughter, to interact with her and engage her while I was exercising. And as a new mom with an aching back, diastasis recti, incontinence issues and emotional overwhelm, yoga seemed the best way to attend to my mind and body. My prenatal practice became my postnatal savior. As a result, I started looking for ways to bring my daughter into my postures. Over time, we developed a little routine together and in an inspired moment, I jotted down a few rhyming verses about our playtime. Lightbulbs flashed above my head and I realized I could share this sweet interaction with other mothers and fathers; the idea for Just Like the Ocean was born. What happened next can only be described as life … my return to work, a cross country move, several launched businesses, a failed marriage, and continually adjusting to my daughters’ (I have two now) evolving stages. I developed illustrations, had the poses evaluated and approved by a prenatal yoga expert, and submitted my book to publishers. And … nothing. As a first time author, it’s very hard to get a foot in the door with well-known publishers. But I kept pushing, believing that someone, somewhere would see the value in a partnered yoga flow benefiting both mom and baby. And so, I waited. And waited. And finally, finally, I found Whisper Sea Press – a boutique publisher who loved my book – and they were ready to help me share it with the world. A full decade had passed since I’d started this journey, and when I held it at last in my hands, I cried. I am thrilled beyond words to see my book available to share with other parents! The book itself is 19 interactive yoga poses, paired with a rhyming story about exploring a jungle island. There are poses to help ease back pain related to bending over a nursing baby, poses to strengthen the pelvic floor, exercises to mend diastasis and poses to bring mindfulness and relaxation. Each pose is accompanied by simple illustrations and instruction for those new to yoga. Perfect as a gift for a new mom or dad, Just Like the Ocean allows parent and baby to bond while building physical strength and balance, engaging with baby to share the emotional and physical benefits of yoga. Emily Foster Williams' Just Like the Ocean is available on Amazon.

By Melody M. Ott LCSW with Wellbeing Collective I have been seeing more and more posts and messages from friends and family about how they can manage the ongoing anxiety that this pandemic is causing. Let’s face it, this thing is wreaking havoc on our lives, our economy, and on the health and well-being of our families, friends, and the world. I think the question is not how we get rid of the stress and anxiety about this. The question is how we cope with and tolerate it more effectively. In this time of COVID 19, our stress level is in a higher range than it was before, we have simply acclimated to it – like when you get into a hot tub and the water feels really hot initially, but then begins to feel comfortable – stress levels are higher and therefore our threshold for managing stress is lower – maybe you have noticed a tendency to lose your temper more quickly or become anxious more quickly? Let’s step back for a moment and think about some of the stressors a person might be experiencing, because everyone is experiencing stress, however, it is impacting us each to varying degrees. Some of us are dealing with job loss or job uncertainty, some are dealing with homeschooling children and feeling ill-equipped, some of us are dealing with staying home – sometimes in an unhealthy home environment or with small children who do not understand what is going on, some of us find ourselves completely alone, some of us are dealing with other mental health concerns, such as anxiety and depression, on top of the stress of the pandemic and they are finding their symptoms to be exacerbated, and let us not forget the hospital staff and other essential workers who are risking their health and well-being daily. This is certainly not a comprehensive list, and if you add your personal stressors to this list, I think it begins to paint a picture. It is okay to feel anxious and stressed. This is okay. Knowing that this is a normal response to an unprecedented situation in our lives, we must not ask ourselves how we make it go away, but what we can do to cope with it. If we accept that it is here, it becomes no surprise when we feel it and if it isn’t a surprise we can go on offense about how to handle it – we can make a game plan. Being on offense simply means that we take control rather than allowing the stress and worry to control us. How do we do that? Build a Healthy Foundation People have shared with me that they have racing thoughts, others have shared that they have little to no motivation, others have shared that they have to keep busy or they begin to experience worry, still others have shared that they simply feel numb. Each person’s response to this will be different, but each one of us already has coping strategies that have worked for us in the past. We can start there. What has worked for you in the past, even if it isn’t working now, is worth noting, so go ahead and jot down some things that have helped you in the past (my list would include exercise, talking with friends, and reading). Of course, our old strategies do not stand a chance of working until we build a solid foundation on which to use them. What I mean is that most of us have had our routines completely upended. Our old “normal” is not the norm! To build a foundation, we need to get back into some routine and in order to do this, we need to evaluate a few things: How is your sleep? Are you getting enough or too much? Sleep hygiene is a very important aspect of emotional stability. If you are getting too much, get up and move around even if you don’t want to – this might feel nearly impossible, but do it anyway. If you aren’t getting enough sleep, notice if you are napping during the day? Are you being physically active enough throughout the day? What does your caffeine intake look like? All of these things impact sleep. If you want more information, research sleep hygiene and apply some of these strategies to your situation. What is your interaction with others looking like? Are you taking time to connect via the phone or internet with others? Connection and engagement are important. Join an online book club, church ministry, chat with friends and family. Isolation can lead to depression, and if you are struggling with motivation already, connecting with others can be a real challenge. How is your physical activity level? If you were an exerciser before, are you staying active? If you weren’t, are you taking time for a gentle walk or stretch? Movement is important in stress relief. How long are you spending in front of a screen? If your days consist of unending binge watching or internet scouring, consider limiting time in front of the screen. Limit the intake of news and media sources that incite fear. Even if your work has you on the computer all day, take breaks, read a book, do a puzzle, or do some other activity that will help you stay away from screens or at least take frequent breaks. How is your eating? Are you eating too much? Not enough? What are you eating? Be sure you have an eating schedule that includes a variety of healthy foods. Limit caffeine and sugar consumption, which can exacerbate anxiety. What does your daily schedule look like? If you answered, “what schedule?” consider making a schedule! You do not need to rigidly adhere to this schedule, but having a healthy daily routine that includes movement, healthy eating, time doing enjoyable things, time learning, time creating, and time connecting, can bring stability and consistency. Is your mental health impacted in a way that you should reach out to a therapist? Most therapists are offering telehealth services which allow you to remain in your home while receiving the benefits of professional support. Examine Your Thinking Once we begin to lay a good foundation, we can explore some things we can do to assist with our thought process. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is based on the idea that our thinking impacts our feelings and our feelings impact our behavior. It stands to reason, then, that paying closer attention to our thinking could have a pretty drastic impact on our overall well-being. We know that anxiety, for example, might use pieces of the truth to hijack our thinking, telling us things like, “you are never going to feel okay” or “ why bother getting out of bed, you are just going to feel like crap all day”… or any number of other fear inducing statements. When we think this way, what feelings emerge? Feelings of fear, hopelessness, helplessness… I often hear from people that they don’t have any thoughts that they can identify. Even though it may seem like there aren’t any thoughts connected to the emotions, the thoughts are there and it may take some practice to become more aware of them. Here are some helpful tips on noticing the thoughts: Start by noticing when big feelings arise, name them (there are often a few all at once) and then work backwards. What just happened? Was there a triggering event? Did that event cause you to remember a previous time where you experienced this feeling? If there wasn’t a triggering event, notice what was going on around you and see if you can make a connection to your thoughts. Ask yourself if you have this emotion frequently. Is it happening around the same type of situation? Notice thoughts that have nothing to do with a big emotion, just notice the thoughts that move through your mind every day. Sometimes just increasing awareness can help. Keep a thought log and note the variety of things you have been thinking. Do this for a few days and take note of any patterns that arise in your thinking – is it generally hopeful, helpful, negative? Once you complete a thought log, examine the thoughts. Is the thought realistic - could this really happen, is it really true? Does it make your life better to think this way? Is this thinking something you want to possess - does it benefit you to own this thought? Is it something that makes you like your situation or life better? If you answered no to any of these questions, take a look at the thinking and reframe it. How can you see the situation differently? What is the truth and what is anxiety? What might be a different way to focus on this situation? Reframe the thought so that you can answer the questions listed above and say yes to all of them. This is difficult to do, but keep at it. It may take ten attempts before you get it how you want it. That is okay! - The more you practice the better you get. I like to start reframing by acknowledging the feeling, “even though I feel really anxious about the uncertainty, I know that…..” When you can begin to see things from a different perspective, it can allow you to manage the emotions more effectively. Not only that, but it helps to calm the emotional part of your brain down and re-integrate the thinking part of the brain. When your brain is integrated and working together, you can approach the world much more effectively. Find Joy Finally, find the joy. There is joy in this. It might be joy in seeing a bird outside of your window. It might be joy in listening to a great song. It might be joy in seeing the face of a friend on a video chat. Find joy in each day. This might take some effort. Be intentional. Anxiety can erase the good things sometimes. It may help you to keep a joy journal or fill your mirror with sticky notes of joyful events happening throughout the day, these can serve as a reminder when things feel overwhelming. During this time of fear, anxiety, and stress, please take care of yourself. Remember that it is okay and normal to feel this way. There is no need for self judgment. There is no need to try and make these feelings “go away.” You can manage this! Make a plan… Remember to build a strong foundation for healthy thinking and living. Remember that your thoughts greatly impact your well-being, so reframe and challenge them when you need to. And finally, remember to find the joy. If you or someone you love needs additional support, reach out to a professional. We are here to help. Stay well.

By JoEllen Parkey, Wellbeing Collective guest blogger, mother, advocate, coach, and friend Parents, when our children want something, it is almost impossible to say no. When your child wants to be a star athlete or a star on the stage, we all want to help make that happen. When our kids are willing to put everything on the line to get something, we become even more invested in helping them get it. That is when it can get scary for our kids. Adults are drawn to coaching and teaching for many reasons. Most of those reasons are pure: they love their sport, they love their art, they enjoy working with children and are willing to sacrifice financial gain to do so. Some of those reasons are suspect: self-aggrandizement, finding success as coaches that they did not find as athletes. Some of those reasons are sinister: gaining proximity to children because they are intimidated by adults, wanting to be the most important person in the room, wanting to wield power over others, wanting to prove themselves important because life has made them feel less than, and finally and most sinister, the abuse of children. When your children have a coach or a teacher and that person is helping them get what they have worked so hard for, the adult-child relationship can skew and it can skew right before your eyes. A coach’s judgment and decisions regarding the sport or art do supersede yours. They do get to decide what position your child plays, which meets they attend, how often they practice, and what role they get in the production. But, be careful. Please always remember that coaches and teachers work for you - they do not replace you. Make sure that you are your child’s advocate and fiercest defender against the overreach that can happen in the coach/athlete, coach/performer, mentor/student relationship. As much as it may feel like it in the moment, that adult is not the key holder to the only gate that leads to the only path to your child’s one chance at success. Be vigilant. Be involved. Know what is happening at practices and rehearsals. Keep an active and ongoing dialogue going with your child’s coach. Make sure that both your children and their coaches know that you are paying attention. Make sure they know that, while you consider a coach a friend, even “family” to some extent, they are not a replacement for you. If something feels off, if your child who used to love what they do starts to resist training, get injured more often that is expected, doesn’t want to talk about practice or be friends with people from the activity, make sure you are really listening to them and making yourself available so they can talk when they are ready. Being a star is great. Being a star is exciting. Being a star is special. Being a star should not mean sacrificing your childhood. We need to keep talking to our kids. Keep talking to each other. Be present. Be available. Keep our loyalty to our children, not to a program, a team, or a coach. Together, we can do this. Together, we can do anything. Thank you for joining us for today’s edition of Unsolicited Advice. This is going to be great!

By Melody M. Ott LCSW with Wellbeing Collective Mornings are the most dreaded time of my day. They usually begin with me teaching an early morning fitness class (usually my only “me” time for the day), which means I am pressed for time and still have to get the kids (and myself) ready to take on the day (this means about 30 minutes to be out the door)! Thankfully, I have a husband who helps tremendously in this regard, but try as I might to be calm and sweet, my mornings never seem to go quite like I want them to. They often look something like this: “Get dressed and eat breakfast please.” “I asked you to get dressed!” “Please do not touch your brother (one of them is screaming).” “I said keep your hands to yourself, and GET DRESSED!” “No, you may not eat breakfast and watch TV (this creates a zombie effect which means we will never be ready to go!).” “If I have to ask you to get dressed again, there is going to be a problem.” “DO NOT TOUCH YOUR BROTHER!” and so it goes until I feel that I may either explode or cry or maybe both! Somehow we manage to get out the door every morning, dressed (mostly), and with our things (usually)! Despite the fact that my mornings can be a challenge (and a bit of a comedy routine) and my patience can run short, it is my personal goal each day that my children know how much I love them, that they feel proud of their unique gifts and talents and that they understand what is expected of them. You see, I believe that being a mother is the most important job that exists. (Without mothers we wouldn't have Nobel Peace Prize Winners or Presidents or anyone else for that matter!) As a mother, I believe that it is my duty to love unconditionally, to set clear boundaries, and to raise self-confident and self-aware children. This is no small task, and let’s face it, some days are better than others (kids have a way of wearing you down!). I know that children who feel good about themselves have an easier time dealing with conflict and the pressures of life. They are also happier, more optimistic and find more joy in life. This sounds pretty good to me! I also know that I accomplish this not through yelling (although when they don’t listen the first three times I am tempted!), not through putting my children down, not through humiliation, but through praise, love and boundaries. First, praise, praise, praise. I find it so easy to get caught up in all of the things my children are NOT doing. Sometimes, in the craziness of it all, I might forget to simply take notice of the small things.Even in the mornings, as hectic as they can be, my children are doing things like helping one another find a lost shoe, getting the baby out of bed, getting cups that are out of reach down from the cabinet, listening the first time, brushing their teeth without a reminder, etc. I have amazing kids (I mean, the apple doesn't fall far, right?)! I am quick to brag on them to other people, but sometimes I neglect to brag on them to them! Developing a positive self-image and self-esteem begins here, with our recognition and praise. Children who feel good about themselves are often more confident in making decisions and are better able to maintain healthy relationships as they get older. Second, tell your children you love them. Tell them again and again. Have discussions about that love. Sometimes children will misbehave. They will break rules. It wasn't fun when my son told me that he thought I was the meanest mom in the world and that he didn't love me, but my response was, “there is nothing that you can say or do that will ever change my love for you.” His behavior was another story, but my love is always available without any strings attached. When we share that love with our children, not only are we teaching them how to love their future spouse and children, we are teaching them how to love their siblings, their friends, and all of the people that they will encounter in their lives. Being able to give and receive love allows our children to know their value and worth. Finally, set clear boundaries. One of the biggest struggles parents I work with share is that they cannot seem to find consequences that work well with their children. To this I respond, “Know your rules and your consequences before you need them.” What I mean is, when you are calm, when it is not necessary to be making a rule or consequence in the heat of the moment, develop a list of rules for your children (different children need different rules!). It is critical that we say what we mean and mean what we say. When you give your child a consequence, it MUST be something that you can stick to. Don’t punish yourself when you punish your children! Sit down with your children and work to develop consequences for breaking the rules. Encourage your children to have some input as to what the consequences are. This will eliminate arguing later; after all, they helped to develop the consequence! When children have clearly defined expectations, we teach them to make informed decisions and that their decisions have consequences (sometimes good and sometimes bad). In the long run, they develop self-confidence and become great decision makers. Being a mom is the most difficult job I will ever hold. As a mom I have to juggle the demands of my family and home as well as the demands of my jobs (yes, there are two, three if you count being a mom!). In my mind, I should do this with a smile on my face and be perfectly coordinated at all times. In reality, my children need me to be me (even when I miss-match my shoes), they need me to love them, and they need me to guide them with clear expectations. It is okay for me to show my emotions, my weakness, my faults. It is okay for me to have a “rough day.” It is okay for me to make mistakes and admit it when I do. Being a Supermom will always be hard work, but it will always be the most awesome job I will ever have. Hang in there, keep working to raise confident, happy children, and may you have many happy mornings!

By Melody M. Ott LCSW with Wellbeing Collective Sometimes I worry that I am raising spoiled children. Especially when they make comments like, “I have to have that”, or “Give me that”, or “I want…” Kids are bombarded with messages from the media and their peers about what they “just have to have.” With all of these messages coming at our children from every direction, how can we be sure to instill our fundamental values over all the other distractions and noise in their lives? In our family, one of our core values is that our children be grateful. We want our children to be grateful for the things they have and to have a spirit of giving to others. A study conducted by Dr. Robert A. Emmons of the University of California, Davis, reveals that nurturing a spirit of gratitude can increase happiness levels by around 25 percent. It can also cause individuals to live happier, more satisfied lives and enjoy increased levels of self-esteem, hope, empathy and optimism. Other studies have shown that kids who practice grateful thinking have more positive attitudes toward school and family. Not only does an “attitude of gratitude” help our children to have a more positive outlook, but it helps them to have regard for others and allows them to be less self-centered. How do we instill gratitude in our children? Here are a few ideas: Talk about it! Spend time each day talking about your blessings. One thing our children do every night as part of evening prayer time is to list the things and people they are grateful for that day. You would be surprised at what they take notice of and what is meaningful to them. Be a family of givers. Each birthday we ask our children to choose a charity to which they would like to donate money. Because we live in a materialistic society, my children have just about every toy and gadget known to children around the world. (I hate to admit it, but they are quite spoiled!) They don't need a new toy from Target or a new game. They do not need a gift card! So we invite their friends to donate the money they would've spent on a gift to the charity of our children's choice. Another avenue for giving in our family comes during Christmastime. I don't know about you, but at Christmastime, I feel like there are one million gift exchanges! I don't even know who I am buying gifts for anymore! So, occasionally I will give someone the gift of chickens! Yes, I just said chickens - or maybe a goat! There are so many organizations that offer options of buying a particular item on behalf of a family or for a family (hence the chickens and goat for families in Haiti or other third-world countries). They even have catalogues so kids can see pictures and make choices. Another fun idea is starting a blanket drive during the holidays to give to the poor and homeless. I am so proud of the Girl Scout troupe at my children’s school who has opened a blanket-making activity to the entire school. All of the children will make their own tied fleece blanket and donate them to the local homeless coalition. Serve those less fortunate. Go to the local food pantry or soup kitchen. Do not just show up to serve the poor at the soup kitchen, but engage the residents in conversation. Remind your children that just because people have less doesn’t make them less. Human dignity is something we all deserve. Encourage an “attitude of gratitude” among siblings and family members. Siblings fight, let’s face it, but when we model gratitude toward our spouse or our children, it rubs off. Noticing when someone does the dinner dishes, or puts the toilet seat down (a miracle in my house of boys!), or says something kind creates an atmosphere of gratitude, and it is contagious! Praise your children when you recognize their positive attitude or when they offer a compliment to a sibling. Allow children to earn what they receive. Offering children an opportunity to work toward a toy or game is a wonderful way to remind them that they cannot just have anything they desire (contrary to what Grandma says). Earning their things makes them special and meaningful. It reminds children that hard work pays off and instills a strong work ethic. Develop a list of chores that each have a specific monetary value associated, and allow children to choose chores when they want to earn something. Get children involved in the decisions about giving. At my house we are inundated with toys and trinkets. I don't know if you find yourself wading through thigh high toys every week, but the holidays are a wonderful time to purge. This is no easy task, and I wish my children could do it by themselves, but they typically need my guiding hand. If I didn't help, they would keep everything! Through purging, you can discuss with your children the different places that they would like to donate those toys. Do you have a physical therapist or occupational therapist friend who could use some of the smaller toys for the children that they work with? Is there a local children's shelter that could use some nice toys? Make a list with your children before the purge; encourage them to think about where they would like to donate their toys. When we discuss with our children and allow them to plan, gives them some ownership of the giving. Model service. Are you volunteering? Maybe you volunteer at your child’s school or teach at vacation bible school or Sunday school. You might coach their sport’s team. You may serve at your local soup kitchen or with Habitat for Humanity from time to time. There are so many opportunities to serve as an individual and as a family. Even though you are busy, find small ways to incorporate service into your life and model giving of yourself to your children. Once you have established the values for your children, you can start planning purposefully for that development and growth. When we have a plan, our focus and direction gives us a barometer from which to measure our success and the success of our children. When we focus on gratitude, our children begin to see beyond themselves and their desire for their things, and they begin to see a bigger world where others are in need and where others have much less than what they have. We all have an obligation to make this world a better place. Giving, gratitude, thanksgiving are one of the many avenues through which we can change the world! Allow gratitude to create your happy attitude!

By Melody M. Ott LCSW with Wellbeing Collective Recently, I have been reading a lot about nurturing independence among our children. It really caught my attention because I have been interested in the concept of grit for many years. Grit as defined by Merriam Webster, is, “courage and resolve; strength of character." Simply put, grit is the ability of humans to be able to face adversity and failure without crumbling. It is that resiliency that allows us to carry-on and move forward and grow even when things are difficult. We know that grit is really important for our children, and we know that having opportunities to fall down and then be picked back up by people who love and support us are some of the ways that we develop grit. As the mother of one teenage son and another who just started middle school, this is an important topic for me, so how can we create gritty kids? One simple way to develop gritty kids is to take the situations that present themselves and use those as opportunities for growth. My eleven year old decided this week that playing football, basketball, and taking piano lessons all while transitioning into middle school might have been a bit much (you think?) and while we allowed him to make these commitments over the summer because he didn’t want to miss out on any of these activities, we invited him to carefully analyze the pros and cons of this choice before he made it. We reminded him that piano lessons were not optional (he is a bright child and really loves the challenge music brings), and we suggested that two sports might be a lot to handle. He assured us he could handle it and three weeks into the school year, you guessed it, he feels he has taken on too much (shocker!). So, what should we do about this? We could allow him to quit one of the sports, we could go to the coaches and talk to them about what our options are, we could tell him to suck it up and live with the choices he has made. We could do any of those things, but we have decided to allow this to be a resiliency building opportunity. In our family, this looks like: conversations about how he is feeling, what he thinks his options might be, how he might manage his time differently, how he might talk to his coaches about his options. Notice that we are talking to HIM, not his coaches. HE made these choices and we will support him, brainstorm with him, and help when it is appropriate, but he will need to handle this situation and we will be right by his side as he does. This may seem harsh, but we believe that this is going to help him in the future. Our hope is that he is going to learn to weigh the pros and cons, understand how much he can manage, develop communication skills that allow him to share his needs with others respectfully, and maybe through this experience he will develop some grit and confidence. Don’t get me wrong, the mommy in me wants to rescue my sweet baby and protect him from this, but I know this isn’t going to help him to become the man I want him to be someday. Fortunately, we aren’t faced with this type of situation very often (could you imagine if this were the norm?). But we are given little opportunities each and every day to give our kids what they need in the long run – so, what are some simple, everyday ways we can do to encourage growth in our kids? Here are a few simple ideas: Invite your children to make a grocery list with items for their lunch and have them get those items when you go grocery shopping (give them their own cart and a list – and watch your toes!). Ask your children to make their own lunch each day (we do this on Sunday and they know they have to have at least one fruit in their lunch each day and that candy doesn’t count as lunch!). Allow them to fill out their own school papers and documents like permission slips. Role play with your child about how they can share a concern or problem with their teacher themselves, before you get involved (I love pretending to be the teacher, and you can bet I am always meaner than the teacher will actually be!). Make them responsible for specific chores around the house and expect them to be done well (I have been known to tell my children that yes, I expect perfection – they hate this). Have them order their own food at a restaurant (make eye contact, say please and thank you – the whole enchilada). Let them know that you are happy to help them study or fix homework, but that you will not do it for them. Require them to ask you for help, do not offer. Teach them to do their own laundry and give them a day of the week that they may use the washer and dryer. Require them to call the parents of their friends and request that their friend come over for a play date. Teach them proper phone etiquette first (most of our kids don’t even know how to dial the phone – just ask the school receptionist!). Let them pack their own clothes for your next trip (after they pack go through the items with them to make sure they haven’t forgotten shoes – we actually made it to Tampa with no shoes once, whoops!). As you can see, the possibilities are endless. And of course, you should choose activities that are age appropriate for your child and their ability. Remember that sometimes allowing your kids to struggle or even fail might be painful in the short term, but life giving in the long run. What I want most for my kids is for them to leave my house knowing how to: really clean the bathroom, how to plan, shop for and cook a good meal, how to do their laundry, use the vacuum and mop, mow, get their work done on time, give it 100%, be kind, be helpful, love and be loved, apologize, and really know how to enjoy their lives! I know that being gritty is the key to all of it. Let’s get gritty friends!

By Melody M. Ott LCSW with Wellbeing Collective So it’s summertime and the living is easy, right?..... Maybe not so much. If you have children, you may be juggling camp, child care or just plain stir crazy restlessness in the summer months. If you don’t have children, you may notice they are everywhere right now and life is moving at a different pace. Changes in routine alone can throw even the happiest summer camper off their daily schedule and leave us wondering when the heck is school starting again?! One of the easiest ways to come back to the present moment, or a calmer version of the moment you are in, can happen through a simple “Take Five” practice. Our brains are wired to take in lots of information all of the time. We are constantly responding to our surroundings, big and little wellbeings alike. Our five senses are the most basic, primitive ways that information reaches our brain to make decisions, usually ones we are not even conscious we are making. Ever smell fresh baking and then realize you haven’t eaten in six hours because you were busy working on that proposal or cleaning up after you family or any number of things that we can get caught up in doing? Our sense of smell can bring us back to BEING rather than simply DOING by paying attention to the body and what we need. The same goes for our sight, taste, touch and hearing. One of the quickest ways to get back on track and notice what is happening both inside and outside of us is to check in with our five senses. It’s easy and you can do it anywhere in five simple steps. Simply tell yourself you are going to “Take Five” and: Look around you and notice five things you can see. This can be anything in your immediate surroundings. Notice four things you can feel with you sense of touch. This could be your feet on the ground, the feeling of your shirt on your back, a soft pillow next to you, or even your fingers touching one another. Listen and notice three things you can hear. This may be the sound of your breath, birds outside, music or the laughter of your children in the other room. Breathe in and notice two things you can smell. If there is nothing readily available to smell, think of two smells you love. You may notice a memory arise as the sense of smell is strongly connected to memory. Notice one thing you can taste. A sip of water can be helpful if you don’t notice any taste. Water also helps flush out stress hormones so extra credit here. Then take a deep breath in through your nose, let it fill your belly and gently let it out through your mouth. You may notice that your body feels calmer, your mind a little clearer and your shoulders more relaxed. Maybe even turn the corners of your mouth ever so slightly upwards and experience a smile. This is a fun activity to try anytime you need to take a break, when big or little people are testing your patience, when you are tired or distracted or simply when you want to just enjoy the moment you are in. You can also create environments that include those things you love to look at, hear, smell, touch and taste. When we create spaces like this for ourselves and those we love, it’s so much easier to reach that calm we crave. So, kick off your shoes, feel the sand between your toes or the cool water of a pool. Listen to the birds, feel the warm sun. Experience the sounds and sights of summer. Eat an ice cream cone or some fresh watermelon. What five senses of summer most appeal to you? You can treat yourself to a mini summer vacation just for you simply by “Taking Five!”