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By Melody M. Ott LCSW with Wellbeing Collective It is Father’s Day weekend. I don’t know about you, but in my house, we really do try to make dad feel loved and special. Unfortunately, sometimes in the busyness, we don’t always do all that we should! This year my husband will be at our older son’s lacrosse tournament while I am taking our middle son to summer camp – Happy Father’s Day!? Hopefully we will have time for his favorite dinner (I guess I should ask him what he would like to eat?!). The truth is, Father’s Day is simply a reminder to do the things we are hopefully doing all year long to nurture and support the father figures in our lives. I recently saw a T-shirt advertisement for dad’s that said Fa-Thor. Of course, the father in the ad was a big, strong, bearded man – yes, he was tough and Thor-like! And while our dads may be softer, smaller, stronger, or tougher than Thor, all dads need a little tenderness, right? Dads are traditionally seen as the provider, the disciplinarian, the protector... essentially all things strong and powerful. I can only imagine that this puts a lot of pressure on them sometimes. So how can we nurture the fathers in our lives on Father’s Day and every day? One way we can help our dads to be healthy is to help them manage some of the pressure they feel. We all have to manage stress because it is a part of our lives, but small things can make a pretty big impact. It doesn’t have to cost money; it doesn’t have to be complicated. I have broken it down into three simple steps! Hugs. Step one is to give hugs! Physical touch has so many benefits. It helps our body to stay healthy by lowering blood pressure and reducing stress hormones in the body. So hug, high- five, fist bump, and pat dad on the back! It will help you too! Laughter. Step two is to make dad laugh. Not only will laughter help to tone dad’s abs (very Thor-like), but it will also help prevent disease, improve heart function, and boost immune function too! Tell dad a joke, put on a silly play, and just have some fun! Affirmation. Step three is to tell dad about a quality that you admire. Telling dad some of the things you like most about him will help him experience more gratitude. It can also help him to decrease stress and keep things in perspective. Write down his best qualities and put them on sticky notes all around the house. Hide notes in his sock drawer telling him what you love most about him. Send him a letter. It really is the little things that mean the most! This Father’s Day, I encourage you to keep it simple and take it back down to basics. Even if the fathers in your life are “living Thor’s”, they still need hugs, laughter and affirmation…and maybe a new tool? Happy Father’s Day to all of the dads, uncles, grandfathers, step-dads, foster dads, and father figures out there – you are important!

By Melody M. Ott LCSW with Wellbeing Collective Well, black Friday has come and gone. We are all in the throes of Christmas shopping, or maybe you have finished, in which case, I am jealous! There are parties, school plays, parades, cookie baking, cleaning, grocery shopping, menu planning, gift exchanges, more cookie baking...and now the kids are out of school! With so much going on during the holiday season, it can be a challenge to simply enjoy the presence of family. Regardless of whether your family means your children and spouse, or a large extended family, taking sometime during the holidays to slow down and just be present can be such a challenge! There is so much pressure during the holidays to make everything perfect! I have three children, and I want once read a quote that said, “cleaning when your children are at home is like trying to brush your teeth while eating Oreo cookies!” I don’t know who wrote it, but they must know my children! The fact is that while I appreciate things being “Martha Stewart” perfect, that is just not the reality of my life and so I constantly feel let down by my own shortcomings throughout the season. In the mental health world, we often speak of mindfulness. Psychology Today states that, “Mindfulness is a state of active, open attention on the present. When you're mindful, you observe your thoughts and feelings from a distance, without judging them good or bad. Instead of letting your life pass you by, mindfulness means living in the moment and awakening to experience.” As a psychotherapist, I work with my clients on this, and this holiday, I am going to take my own advice! When I think of mindfulness during the holidays, I think of the book, Moosletoe, written by Margie Palatini (if you haven’t read it to your kids, do it! It is on YouTube). In this story, Moose is completely engrossed in the holiday, “must dos” and with everything being “perfectly perfect”! The only problem is that he forgets the Christmas tree! A very busy moose finds himself forced to be still and simply enjoy his children and family! In the spirit of Moosletoe, I vow to enjoy every moment I can with my family, even in the midst of my messy, cookie-less house! Here is my plan… The first part of my plan is to have an accountability partner. By this I mean someone who can lovingly remind you of the goals you have set for the holiday. I usually hate it when my husband reminds me to do something that I have forgotten to do, but I need to ask my husband to gently encourage me to sit down, enjoy, and just be present with my family. I am choosing him, not only because he will be with me throughout the holidays, but because he is so good at this. He never misses an opportunity to just enjoy our children (he doesn’t even notice clutter or mess…EVER!). Another important aspect of mindfulness during the holidays is taking time to build relationships, both with children and with your significant other. Making one night available as a “date night” is high on my list. During this season of rushing from here to there, enjoying time alone with your spouse is so important. Being present with one another, talking about something other than the children or the holiday plans, can be life giving for your relationship. Again, being fully present with your partner with nothing else to distract you is part of maintaining that loving feeling! Spending one on one time with your children is also important. My children value one on one with either myself or my husband (doing something other than homework!). Baking those holiday cookies with one child, or going on an errand with another child and making a special stop for hot chocolate or ice cream can be a wonderful way to focus a few minutes entirely on one of your little ones. The key here isn’t cost, it is simply taking time and being fully engaged with the person you are with! The final part of my plan has to do with taking care of myself! I always seem to get sick during the holidays. I wonder why that happens? It couldn’t be the added stress or late nights! With the kids at home it can be hard to find time to make it to the gym, but as part of my plan to be mindful, I vow to make time to jump on the trampoline, have a dance party in the living room and go for a bike ride. As for sleep, maybe some time snuggling on the couch while watching our Christmas favorites will give my body the rest it needs! Part of mindfulness is just being still, and while this is tremendously difficult (somehow I feel guilty if I sit down and relax – where did that come from?!) I plan on just soaking in the noise, chaos, and happiness around me and as Moose says as he stands in place of his forgotten Christmas tree – all decorated and lit up and waiting for Santa, “It wasn’t so perfectly perfect….but it was close!” So there you go, mindfulness this Christmas is all about staying in your pajamas all morning Christmas day, snuggle with your children on the family room floor, laughing while they open their gifts, holding hands with your special someone, and just basking in the joy of the morning! I think bagels and cream cheese sound like a great Christmas morning Breakfast! I will save the big formal breakfast for a few days after Christmas! May you have a Merry and Mindful Christmas!

By Melody M. Ott LCSW with Wellbeing Collective Happy New Year! Welcome to the time of year when everyone seems to make resolutions! I strongly dislike resolutions (I want to say hate but that seems like overkill)! I dislike them because they are often unsuccessful. There is so much pressure. And so often, there are way too many things that can get in the way of our success. Don't get me wrong, there are a ton of reasons to set goals. Goal setting is a great idea. But when we set successful goals there are some important things to consider. And often, in setting goals we notice that there are some things we need to attend to before we get to the actual goals... So this year, I challenge you to make New Year's Baby Steps! Webster's Dictionary defines “resolution” as the act of analyzing a complex notion into simpler ones...The definition goes on, but this is all I needed to make my point - baby steps! My point is we like to make sweeping resolutions that ultimately set us up for failure, or we make resolutions that simply don’t fit with our temperament or personality. So, this year, I challenge you to make baby steps that are fit for you and will ultimately lead you to success. How do we do this? It starts with understanding all of the puzzle pieces of our need or desire. Get ready to dig deep for a few minutes here, because if we make a broad sweeping resolution we can likely sweep it right out the door in a matter of weeks. The definition of resolution includes taking something complex and breaking it down into simpler, smaller parts. What does that mean in your life? Let’s use the weight loss example, because this seems to be a common one this time of year. We all know that this starts with a gym membership and shiny new sneakers. We also know that it often ends with those beautiful shoes sitting in the closet by March. Why? Well, when we utilize the definition listed above, and break this down into simpler parts, we can see what some of the challenges to this goal might be. When setting a resolution, ask yourself some of the following questions: What are the reasons you want to set this goal? What are some of the challenges that you face (in our weight loss example: are you a stress eater, do you have physical limitations, do you hate the gym)? ·What have your habits been with this thus far in your life? What are your time constraints? Are there people in your life who might sabotage you? Do you have self-destructive self-talk? What has worked in the past and what hasn’t? What are some other considerations here? Whew – that is a lot to deal with. If you answer these questions and you notice that there is a big issue with one of them, consider making your focus on resolving that issue. Start with that baby step. When we address the underlying issues that cause us to slip or struggle, we ultimately create solutions that will support us in all of our future goals. This year, consider making a New Year’s Baby Step that can help you in all of the areas of your life. As always, if you need support or to explore some of the things that get in the way of your goals, give us a call!

By Melody M. Ott LCSW with Wellbeing Collective I have one child who diligently sits down and does his homework each day after school before I ever even ask. I have another child who will grudgingly do her homework after a few requests. And finally, I have yet another child who makes his 20 minutes worth of homework last for about two hours! This is fun for everyone! It usually involves crying, throwing things around, comments such as, “I can't do this,” “my teacher is terrible,” “I hate school,” etc. Some days I am convinced that homework was invented to make my life miserable! I don't know what kind of learner or temperament you have in your home, but there are a few things we can do as parents to ease some of the homework hassle regardless of our child’s personality or disposition. First, be sure your children have a designated homework area. It may be a desk in their room, although, if you have a child who is easily distracted by toys or other objects in their room, this may not be the best choice for you. It may be the dining room or kitchen table, it may be your family room couch. What is important is that homework time is in a consistent location each day and that there is a quiet time set aside throughout your home for your child to do their homework. Second, have a scheduled time for homework. Discuss this with your children ahead of time. Letting them have some say in the decision is empowering for them and may help them buy into the process. If they would like to have a break for 30 minutes after school before they begin homework that might be worth trying. Have a designated time when homework will begin and stick with it! Some days, sticking with our designated homework time means beginning homework in the car on the way home from school. If your child has a hectic afternoon schedule, this might be part of the discussion and planning that you implement in your family. The point is, have a plan that your child helps to develop and stick with it. Third, have all of the supplies that your child will need in order to complete their homework in a specific location. We have a basket in our home full of extra pens, pencils, card stock, highlighters, markers, glue sticks, post-it notes, poster board, etc. It is never fun when you realize you needed sharpie markers for the homework assignment and you do not have any and it is 9 PM and you are in your pajamas! There are just some weeks when the cashier at CVS knows my name (it happens, “Hi Melody, back again?”), but try to plan ahead – it is so much easier! Fourth, be sure you have a plan for those evenings when homework just isn't finished before bedtime. Will your child stay up until it is finished? Will you wake them up early the next morning so that they can finish? What homework will you check? What if they need help with a particular part of their homework? Have a plan in place for all of the things that might come up during homework time. Be sure that your children understand the process. This eliminates arguing and meltdowns later. Finally, praise a good work ethic and quality effort! Homework may not be done correctly the first time, it may take a little longer than you would like to finish, your child may need more help than you have time to give, but if they stick with it, work hard, and do their best, they deserve a pat on the back! Always be sure your praise is specific, and comes frequently! I am going to end with a few other thoughts that might be important to keep in mind: If you have an issue with a teacher, PLEASE do not share this with your child. Talk to the teacher, share your concerns at a conference, or write a note or email. When you speak poorly about your child’s teacher in front of them, it teaches them to disrespect their teacher! As parents, we sometimes inadvertently say things that may undermine the authority of our child’s teacher. This impacts the entire class, so please be mindful! In our house, the teacher is ALWAYS right (even when we don’t think so!). If we have an issue, we take it up with the teacher directly and if our child has an issue we try to help them find solutions that will help them solve their problem (and maybe we call the teacher privately)! Not every child learns at the same rate or in the same way. If you suspect that your child has a learning disability or they just seem behind, share these concerns with your child’s teacher. The teacher can share their input, offer suggestions for helping with the delay or problem, refer you to your county’s intervention program, or suggest a tutor that may help your child. Always let your children do their own homework! You have already gone to school, please do not do their homework (I know it is tempting because you can do it so much faster!!!) – your child needs to practice in order to master the skill they are learning. In fact, your child needs to practice a skill approximately 84 times correctly in order to master it! If your child really struggled with an assignment, send a note to the teacher to let them know, others might have had a similar issue and maybe the concept needs additional reinforcement. Finally, if your child has difficulty sitting still for extended periods of time – look into brain breaks. Just do an internet search on that term and plenty of great brain break ideas will come up. It is fine to take breaks during homework time – just be sure to set the timer so that your child can get back to work in a few minutes (breaks can turn into hours of free play if we aren’t careful!) As I type this article, I have one child playing happily with his little sister, while the other remains at the table (going on hour two), working on his homework. Yes, there have been tears, and yes, there has been frustrated grumbling (it has been mine, not his!). No, there is really no magic formula for making homework time heavenly for some kids. The days can be long, but we all know the years fly by! Hang in there and happy homeworking to you all!